PAIN & MOVING ON
Ways To Get Over A Heartbreak
Remember what sucked.
It isn’t easy trying to get over a heartbreak. Even if everyone has to go through it at some point in their lives, some still come out of it worse than others.
While there is no definite way to escape heartbreak (unless you’re a robot), there is a way to get over it — even if you think you’ll never be happy again. After all, everyone deserves a second chance.
So if you’re struggling to get over your heartache, here are ways to make the process a little easier.
1. Allow yourself to feel your feelings.
In the days following the breakup, allow yourself to cry and acknowledge that a breakup is like any other type of loss. With loss come five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
You’re going to go through it in your own way, in your own time. And during the process, validate your feelings by accepting that you are hurt. It’s okay to feel the emotions you’re going through.
2. But don’t BECOME your feelings.
Though it’s important to express your feelings, it’s also important to stop short of becoming them. So, if you’re upset, allow yourself to wallow for a while — say, an hour. Do whatever you need to do to let your feelings out: cry, shout, rant, journal, whatever it takes.
But when those 60 minutes are up, stop and move on to something else.
3. Cut off any communication with your ex.
Cutting off all contact in the beginning is healthy. It allows you to break your attachment to your former partner. That said, there is no hard-and-fast rule about contacting your ex. Brief, occasional communication — like “Hey, could we talk for a few minutes? I’m having a hard time with this” — could be okay. Just be cautious that those “innocent check-ins” don’t become a habit.
Every time you talk to her, you open up another link between you. Your goal is to break these links, not to keep creating them.
4. Try to exercise.
Breaking a sweat may be the last thing you want to do when you’re wallowing. Trust us when we say it’ll help you feel better if you try working out.
The endorphins produced during exercise will help with the withdrawal symptoms post-breakup, and it also helps you build confidence in yourself.
Give it a try.
5. Find a support system.
Call two or three people you really care about and let them know what you’re going through. You need to remember that a lot of people love you and that they want to support you. They won’t know how to help you if you don’t tell them anything.
Opening up to others can be very cathartic. It’ll help you unload a lot of things from your chest. You’d be surprised by how light you’ll feel after you’ve let it all out. Having someone to talk to and support you can help you feel less alone.
6. Remember what sucked.
A common response post-breakup is to idealize the other person. And while you don’t want to deny that there were good parts of your relationship, you also don’t want to fixate on them. To find the middle ground, write a list of all the negative aspects of your former partner/relationship and look at it on the reg.
This mental exercise will help counterbalance all the obsessive thinking you probably experienced. It can’t be helped if you miss everything about your ex and why she was so great. But do remember that you two broke up for a reason.
7. Stop judging the length of your healing process.
Don’t equate the time of healing with the time of your relationship. Even relationships that didn’t take half a year can still cause enormous heartbreaks. A person can grow quickly attached within that time, you know?
If you feel like you’re taking too long getting over your ex, please know that it’s normal. Nobody would blame you if you took your time. Everyone experiences heartbreak in different ways. It doesn’t matter if you were with someone for years or just a few months — plenty of good and bad memories are still packed in there.
8. Remember to take care of yourself.
The most important part of the whole process is YOU. You are trying to get over it, therefore you need to remember that you need to take care of yourself too. Check in with yourself throughout the day and ask: What do I need? Maybe it’s a healthy salad, maybe it’s a hot bath, maybe it’s a phone call with a friend.
Don’t neglect your body. Don’t neglect your health. Exercise, nutrition and proper sleep will raise the floor on how bad you feel.
A bad experience can ultimately turn out good for you. Use this as an opportunity to learn, so your next relationship can be as close to perfect as possible. Reading books on relationships can also help put your bad relationship in perspective, giving you insight and refreshing your outlook on love.
9. Create new routines.
Recognize that the breakup will most likely result in voids in your life. Let’s say you and your ex used to go to the movies every Friday. Instead of sulking alone now that your Friday nights are free, call your buddies and schedule plans ahead of time.
You have a lot of free time now. Go out and do something new.
10. Accept that closure may not be yours to find.
You may not be able to get the closure you require from your ex, and you will have to seek it out on your own. Create your own healthy narrative if your ex-partner can’t explain why you broke up. Consider speaking with a therapist if that isn’t enough to bring closure.
11. If you decide to date again, do so cautiously.
After getting your heart trampled, it can be tempting to instantly download Tinder and search for a rebound. It’s not wise to immediately start dating after a heartbreak, though.
At the same time, reentering the dating scene could provide a healthy confidence boost for your bruised ego. Just be honest with yourself — and the people you’re dating — about where you’re at emotionally. If you’re not fully over your ex and you’re just looking for a fun fling, say so.
Never forget to love yourself.
After all the hurt and all the ways you try to get back up on your feet, never forget to tell yourself that you’re awesome. Despite what happened to your previous relationship, know that it doesn’t define you.
The best thing about humans is how we always pick ourselves up and keep on going. Your time for true love will come. Just heal yourself first.
