RELATIONSHIP ADVICE
Signs That You’re Ruining A Relationship And What You Should Do About It
Some people accidentally ruin relationships because they lack self-awareness.
Could this be you as well?
It’s always easier to ruin a relationship than to keep it. Even if we don’t intend to, some of us just mess it up because humans have always been flawed and selfish since the beginning.
And if it’s in our innate nature to be like this, doesn’t it make maintaining friendships and other forms of relationships nearly impossible?
Think about it this way.
If we’re just naturally selfish and flawed, why is it that there are millions of people who are still happy? Why do we still have friends and family despite having big differences in opinions and beliefs?
So it isn’t so impossible, after all.
Being in a relationship has always been an uphill battle. No one ever said maintaining it is easy, unless they aren’t actually human. The fact that people struggle and try is proof that humans aren’t just flawed. We’re always trying.
And sometimes we succeed.
How you succeed in a relationship is based on how you try hard to make it work. Isn’t that why you’re here? Congratulations. Perfectly imperfect and very much human. Now let’s get into the real business and see if you’re actually ruining your relationship.
Walking out of the argument (or not saying anything at all)
It’s understandable to not want anything to do with conflict. It’s stressful and makes us want to do something we might regret so of course a lot of us can get a little flighty when it happens.
But walking away from an argument doesn’t solve the problem. It either delays it or makes things worse. Don’t forget that arguments are normal and frequent. You can’t keep ignoring them and walk out every time it happens.
What you should do: Instead of doing that, go for agreeing to disagree. Acknowledge that you and your partner have differing opinions on some matters and that neither of you will change it. It’s clear that you two have your own opinions and points. Whether those points are correct is up for debate, but hear each other out. If you dismiss each other then you are also dismissing each other’s emotions.
This will appear as if you don’t care about each other’s feelings. Certain types of actions, while they end an argument, can come off as cold and uncaring. That only makes things worse, especially in the long run.
Everyone gets mad and that’s completely okay. It’s better to say that you’re upset rather than ignoring it and then in turn ignoring your partner.
Acting suspicious/Being jealous
It’s normal to be jealous. Being jealous doesn’t necessarily make you toxic. It just means you’re scared of losing the person you love and that’s okay. People can’t help being insecure.
What’s not okay is being jealous all the time and always acting on it.
We understand that sometimes it’s hard to trust people. And that it’s scary when you start to doubt your own lifetime partner. But being extremely possessive and unreasonably jealous is not only annoying, but also damaging to a relationship. Maybe you don’t notice that you’re doing it but if you are, know that your partner definitely sees it.
What you should do: Give her space. Respect her boundaries and privacy. Even if you two are tied together, you are still individuals with lives of your own. You have your own life and she has hers. Not everything has to mix and merge in relationships. Sometimes it’s nice to have something just for yourself.
So chill out.
Neglecting intimacy
Oftentimes, especially for those who have been in a relationship for so long, it can get a little too boring and sometimes lose the intimacy and excitement they used to harbor. Once those are gone, the couple tends to drift apart for several reasons. They might make the excuse of being too busy or something of the like, but the fact of the matter is that they forget how to be intimate.
What you should do: Take the time to say something nice to each other. Start by saying some compliments on the daily. Say her hair looked nice today, tell her that the dress she just bought looked good on her or that she looked a little more radiant today than yesterday. She will eventually start treating you the same way in the long run.
Try your hand at being romantic again. Call her for no reason and ask how she’s doing, buy her flowers even if there isn’t an occasion and cook her a meal sometime. Tell her you love her, give each other a massage, go on a simple date or maybe just walk to the cafe together — bring back the romance little by little at least.
Neglecting yourself
Self-care. You might have seen that get tossed around the internet for a while now. People often forget to take care of themselves because they are too busy grinding at work, caring for someone else or getting distracted with current fascinations (i.e. the internet itself). Self-care started to really get popular when the entire world realized it needed to love itself first.
Listen. As much as you love your partner, you need to allow yourself to love, well, yourself. When you are in a long relationship, somehow your looks become insignificant to your partner, especially when you two wake up seeing each other’s faces all the time. We understand that it is sometimes pointless to try to look good when the person we wanted to impress is already ours to begin with.
But self-care is for you, not for her.
You take good care of yourself because it makes you feel good, not because you want to continue being attractive to your woman. Sure, that can also be a valid reason, after all our significant others bring out the best of us — but have you ever considered just looking after yourself because it gives you a sense of self-satisfaction to do so?
What you should do: Exercise. Eat healthy. Groom yourself. Treat yourself to something nice every once in a while. Start a new hobby or go back to old ones that you dropped. Get invested in a new TV series. The list goes on. The point here is that you should do what you think will make you feel better, as a way to get away from the stress that is your current life.
Escapism can sometimes be good too. Just as long as it isn’t an actual coping mechanism that you overdo.
Just love yourself. If your partner sees you trying your best, then she will see that you are making an effort at something and follow.
Just be there for each other
Another way of saying this while being more specific is “Be emotionally available.”
When she is having trouble, lend an ear and be a shoulder she can lean on. She should also do the same, as your lifetime partner. A relationship is a two-way street. Do all the things these relationship articles tell you to. Communicate, rekindle, go on a date and spend time with each other.
You have each other to lean on. So lean on each other.
