INTERRACIAL MARRIAGES
Navigating Your Intercultural Relationship Towards a Happy Marriage
The essence of marriage goes way beyond the union of two people, especially when the people in it belong to different cultural backgrounds.
When you marry a woman from a different culture, you don’t only marry the person, but you marry her origin, culture, and beliefs as well. In other words, your marriage represents an amalgamation of your different backgrounds.
Though you’re both accustomed to your own set of traditions, you’ll soon find the need to embrace your partner’s customs and learn to accept them as part of your own. Because of this, interracial marriages are more challenging than marriages between people of the same cultural background.
Likewise, if you’re in an intercultural marriage, you need to anticipate cultural clashes as one of the challenges you’ll need to overcome as a couple. Navigating through these challenges is not easy.
That said, are you ready for what it takes?
Before Getting Married
Loving someone from a different culture changes your life in a lot of ways. Here’s what you should learn about being in a relationship with a woman from another culture:
1. You’ll most likely have stereotypical assumptions about each other.
It’s normal not to know a lot of things about her cultural background, but it’s also important not to make assumptions right away. Her belonging to a particular culture does not give you the right to assume she likes this and hates that.
It doesn’t work that way.
Refrain from believing common stereotypes attributed to her culture, and she will gladly do the same. To help you overcome this struggle, learn to ask and educate yourself.
Seeing you interested in her heritage is something she’d appreciate. On another note, directly asking her is one of the most effective ways to learn a lot about her and her roots.
2. You’ll possibly follow different value systems in your relationship.
Having different value systems in a relationship can easily cause conflicts. Worst case scenario, these differences can cause couples to drift apart and ultimately break up. This is especially possible when the people in the relationship are unwilling to compromise on their differences.
Here’s an illustration: People in Costa Rica are known to be laid-back and happy people. If you’re someone who likes to do things on a strict routine, things may not work well between you and a Costa Rican woman.
As you continue to believe that she should have a routine like yours, she would brush this off because of her easy-going nature akin to that of her culture.
To avoid this from setting you apart, respect your differences. As long as it does not develop into unhealthy habits, it shouldn’t be a problem for your relationship.
3. In the long run, your boundaries might disappear.
As an interracial couple, you strive just to get closer to each other despite your differences. You try to bond and create a deeper sense of connection to each other in order to make your relationship better.
However, doing so can also cause your healthy boundaries to disappear later on because sharing about almost everything with each other might not be as healthy as you think.
A helpful piece of advice for you would be to take things at your own pace. Don’t let your actions be dictated by what others think. Keep in mind that what they see is only a tenth of what you really are as a couple and as a team.
4. At some point, you’ll have to deal with racism.
Despite the many attempts of the past and today’s generation to end racism, it continues to exist until the present day. And because you’re an interracial couple, you may think that it doesn’t matter as long as you both love and care for each other.
Yet this is not a reason for you to disregard the possibilities of it happening. There may not be racism present between you and your partner, but in instances when your family might oppose your relationship or when the public offers their opinion, there will be.
In cases like this, you need to remain strong and unswayed by others’ opinions of your relationship. At the end of the day, all that matters is that you love each other.
After Getting Married
There are times when you can’t simply ignore the opinions of others. No matter how much you try to, your efforts all end up in vain. In effect, it causes turmoil in your relationship.
To avoid this from affecting you, here’s what you should do:
1. Educate and improve yourself.
No one has to fail their marriage because of cultural differences.
You can easily overcome this challenge by learning about each other. Educate yourselves about each other’s cultures, experiences, childhood memories, and even your past relationships.
This way, you can make your bond deeper than it currently is, at the same time, this will help solidify your marriage.
2. Give proper regard and respect for one another’s cultures.
Don’t think of your culture as better than hers. Doing so causes conflicts, especially when you make her feel inferior to you. Even if you are married, it doesn’t give you the right to disrespect her origin.
Instead, pay attention to details in her traditions and customs to avoid offending her and her family.
3. Be patient.
Know that everything is a process. Don’t expect things to become normal right away. You’re bound to run through bumps and conflicts because of your differences.
It isn’t easy to adjust and grow to a new kind of culture, so don’t be too hard on yourself. Always make it a healthy process for you and your wife.
4. Slowly learn the language.
Keep an open mind about learning a new language.
In all kinds of relationships, communication is paramount. Break down your language barriers by engaging in proper nonverbal communication and slowly learning each other’s language.
This will help you have a normal conversation with her and her family as well.
Lastly, remember that no culture is perfect.
When you love a foreign woman, it always helps to have an open mind about a lot of things. You have to prepare yourself for loving someone who might believe in the things you don’t.
However, all of these won’t seem to matter as long as you know how to make it work. After all, love isn’t the most important thing in an intercultural marriage.
