RACE & RELATIONSHIPS
How to Impress A Latin Family
One of these days, you are going to have to meet her family.
It’s not something you can negotiate your way out of. If you want to take the next step in your relationship, then make sure you dive into this one.
Being nervous about meeting your girl’s family is normal. These are the people she grew up with. Their words and opinions matter to her. They have an established ecosystem, and you’re trespassing.
In Costa Rica, like many other Latin countries, family is everything. So if you wish to make a good first impression, then research is in order. You not only have to do the right things to put yourself in their good graces, but you also need to watch out for habits and greetings so you don’t accidentally offend them. You can’t use your foreign card too much, after all. They may understand since you didn’t grow up in a Latin country, but it never hurts to be cautious.
So first things first.
If you want to look like a charming gentleman, these are what you should do.
1. Know how to do a proper greeting.
A quick kiss on the cheek — or an air kiss followed by a kissing sound — is a typical way to greet and say farewell to friends and acquaintances. Men, on the other hand, do not kiss men; instead, they shake hands or offer each other a one-armed hug. A firm handshake is the standard greeting in a professional or business context.
Even if you’re not personally introduced to everyone in the room, you still have to make sure you acknowledge everyone. Give a simple wave or say good morning or good evening in their language.
2. Speak their language
You don’t have to be fluent or proficient in their language. Just the basic stuff and simple greetings can get you far.
Here’s how you greet her parents in Spanish:
Buenos días/ buen día / buenas tardes/ buenas noches: These greetings mean respectively “Good morning,” “good afternoon,” and “good day.”
Buenas: Local ticos use this abbreviated greeting at any time of the day.
Note: In Costa Rica, it’s common to use buenas or adiós both as a quick greeting and a brief farewell when you’re not intending to stop.
Slang and other colloquialisms — even some vulgarities — that depict informal speech should only be utilized when the situation demands it. Here are phrases that convey the niceties:
Mil gracias / muchísimas gracias: many thanks (literally a thousand thanks).
(Con) mucho gusto / mucho, mucho gusto / muchísimo gusto: All these phrases mean “with great pleasure.” In response to “thank you,” it’s common to hear variants of mucho gusto in Costa Rica instead of de nada, the standard reply in other Spanish-speaking countries.
Disculpe: “Pardon me” is frequently used when you approach someone to ask for something.
The ones below are for saying goodbye:
Adiós: This expression means goodbye when you’re not going to see somebody again.
Chao: This word is more familiar, but you hear it a lot in passing in Costa Rica.
Hasta luego / nos vemos: These informal phrases mean respectively “until later” and “until we see each other.” You may hear them frequently among young people in passing.
3. Make yourself useful
Don’t just stand there when they’re getting dinner ready. Offer to help set up the table or set up the chairs.
If you see her mother coming with some cups, say “Yo le ayudo, señora. (I’ll help you, ma’am.)”. If you see her father bringing in some chairs, say “Yo le ayudo, señor. (I’ll help you sir.)”
4. Stand up straight
If you’re slouching, they will notice and talk about it once you leave. Stand and sit up straight. Latin mothers spend about 80% of their time correcting their children’s posture. You don’t want to catch her sending you a disapproving look at the dining table.
5. Finish everything on your plate
Food is always involved when you’re meeting Latin families and it’s considered rude if you don’t finish whatever is on your plate. Also, it makes them think you didn’t like the food they cooked for you. It’s easy to give this impression unintentionally, so be extra aware.
6. Of course, be nice to your girl
When you’re meeting your in-laws for the first time, make sure to show courtesy to your significant other. This is not the time to be teasing or telling inside jokes. You should also be aware that it might not be a good idea to be so touchy with her in front of her family. But you probably already knew that.
Holding hands or kissing her on the cheek are both fine actions. But that’s it. Anything more than that can be considered rude and indecent.
What you should NOT do
These are the things you should really watch out for. Be careful that you don’t do any of these.
1. Never talk about religion
As you may know, Latin countries are very big about religion. Costa Rica in particular is a Catholic country. Religious values are respected if not always observed. Stay away from topics like premarital sex, abortion, and gay marriage.
Never get into an argument about religion. Your opinions about the whole thing should be kept to yourself.
2. No to unacceptable behavior
Costa Ricans are known for their politeness, so avoid putting your feet on furniture, always say please and thank you, and try not to raise your voice in anger in public.
Small towns and rural communities, especially those in the Central Valley, are typically more conservative than big cities. Beach towns are also more liberal than other sections of Costa Rica, as they are visited by tourists and expats. The best strategy is to always err on the side of caution, at least until you’ve figured out what’s appropriate in the community.
Always be mindful
Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.
It’s a simple thing. Aside from specific details that are unique to the country, just avoid doing things that you find repulsive or rude while you’re visiting. Don’t embarrass yourself and your partner. Don’t make her regret ever introducing you to her family.
Address her parents properly, treat the relatives with respect and be mindful of how you act around them. Remember that you are a foreigner to them. They probably already have misconceptions about what they think about you. It can’t be helped so the least you can do is be nice.
