INTERRACIAL DATING
“How can you make sure someone isn’t dating you just to get a green card?”
I think it’s extremely difficult to truly tell someone’s intention for dating you, unless you personally ask them, and hope they will be very honest with you.
Confronting your partner and having “the talk” about what you both want to achieve with your relationship can be difficult, but it’s important to set a clear standard of what you both mutually desire. It’s good to establish long term goals and expectations early in the relationship.
Try not to do anything rash, since that could totally ruin a possibly good relationship. There’s no specific or scientifically proven process to prove someone’s dishonesty. Well, you could strap them to a lie detector and have someone interrogate them, and see if their heartbeat spikes up. Or hire a private investigator.
Kidding aside, the only advice I could give you is to be very observant and look closely for red flags — subtle things they could have let slip through their facade.
The first and the most telling of these red flags is impatience.
Relationships take time to build, and love takes more to grow.
If they’re truly only after citizenship and nothing else, then they wouldn’t rush getting to know you, or they’d come off as gimmicky or non-genuine, which is something to watch out for (particularly if you met off the internet). Instead of genuinely trying to make a connection, they might talk about getting married unusually early, without actually discussing the idea of a family or children with you.
Another red flag to note is indifference.
Those who aren’t genuine with their intentions won’t pay too much attention to romance. They won’t care if you don’t spend time together, or if you spend way too much time hanging out with your friends. It won’t be a problem for them if there’s a lack of intimacy in the relationship, or worse, if they actually avoid being intimate with you.
Here is the biggest red flag of all. If you’re a citizen of a first world country and are dating an immigrant from a generally lower socio-economic class, they aren’t open about their immigration status, and they’re pushing for marriage, that’s a strong indicator that their intentions aren’t genuine.
Many people who perpetrate this scam leave their partner after marriage (or particularly, after getting their green card). Scammers take advantage of hopeless romantics, misguided ignorance, the elderly, or lovestruck individuals.
The bottomline here is to observe their actions and trust your instinct. I believe you wouldn’t really be asking this question if you haven’t felt anything off about them, or if they haven’t shown any signs of dishonesty. If you believe the relationship isn’t really genuine, then it might also be better to consider ending it before it can damage either of you.
Originally published on Quora
