DATING ADVICE
“Should people live together before getting married?”
For the most part, I believe people should.
If you think about it, cohabiting is a trial run for marriage. You can test if you work well living together, and if there is synergy between you without the pressure of an actual marriage. If it doesn’t work, you can break up. If it does work, then you can consider marriage.
There’s no better way to be certain about your compatibility than proximity.
When you live together, you will see behaviors, habits and possible vices you don’t exactly see during your dates. Remember, your dates are just a fraction of your day. How you act during them doesn’t sum up how you actually are. You might have hidden or toned down some of your negative habits to impress each other, and cohabiting gives or even forces you to be more authentic.
It allows you to see if you can, at least, tolerate each other on your bad days. Faking being perfect will be hard if you constantly see each other. Living together, even if it’s just temporarily, allows you to observe your partner carefully, and determine whether you can live with them and if they’re a perfect match for you.
However, cohabiting can also be bad. In fact, studies suggest that it can be a risk factor for divorce. But this doesn’t mean couples that cohabit will divorce, nor does it suggest that those who don’t have better marriages.
But one reason why cohabiting can lead to failed marriages, is if couples go through it without plans for their relationship. Some start living together, and end up getting married without planning for their future, or actually having the intentions to. This is what makes the marriage dissatisfying, which will eventually lead to divorce or breaking up even before marriage.
It’s not the cohabiting in itself that destroys the relationship, but rather the lack of planning going through it. Bottom line, compatibility, synergy, and having mutual goals as a couple are better factors for marriage success than whether or not you’ve cohabited.
I hope this helps and good luck with your relationship goals!
Originally published on Quora
